On Wednesday night, I attended my first evening of "The Well", a worship and prayer night at J's church. Driving to the church, my stomach was in knots. I don't know for sure why I was feeling this way though. Was I nervous because I didn't know what to expect? Was I nervous because of the job interview I had planned the next morning? Was it a little of both? I honestly cannot give you an answer. As I sat down with J's family before the service, his grandma started talking to me about my interview. I already had the interview on my brain so it was good to talk about it. (For the record, when I say I'm at J's church, I'm typically not with him as he is running lights and sound- AKA church happens to double as quality time with his family.) When the service started, I attempted to push the interview out of my mind so I could be present in worship and prayer.
That is, I pushed the interview out of my mind until the pastor shared the first prayer topic- prayer for those who had experienced some sort of tragedy. Specifically, he wanted to pray for the walls that had been built up as a result of this tragedy to be torn down. How does this prayer topic relate to my interview? The one that hadn't happened yet? The last year of my Master's program was, to say it nicely, rough. It was probably the most trying year of my life. Not because I didn't enjoy what I was doing, but because of some circumstances and events that took place over the course of the year. I've mentioned before that I wasn't sure I was going to get to graduate. During the time of prayer, I realized that the events that occurred that last year of my program resulted in a wall being built. For me, the things I went through were a tragedy- not so much in the sense of what most people think of when they think of a tragedy though. It was more of a tragedy in the sense that there were so many obstacles being placed in my way to become a school counselor. I had invested so much time, energy, and money into what I thought was God's will for me and I kept getting knocked down at every turn. It was a hard thing to swallow. And one I know I could have handled better.
Every time I walked into an interview, I was taking these experiences with me. I was carrying the bitterness I felt towards those events with me. Even though I could say I had let it all go, I hadn't. I tried several times to convince myself that everything I had gone through was just a learning experience, something to make me stronger. I didn't actually believe that though. I questioned often if school counseling was for me because if I was going to end up like the people I had dealt with, I wanted nothing to do with that profession. Ya, I had walls. No doubt.
As I sat there praying, I felt the walls start coming down. I was looking at the situation in a new light. I had never connected the dots between the events that had taken place and how my feelings towards that could be affecting my interviews. More than that though, I could sense God telling me that it's all according to His plan- His good and perfect will. Now, I'm not saying that all bitterness left at one moment because I can still think of certain events and cringe, but I am saying I'm letting go. The wall is coming down. What I went through doesn't have to define me. It won't define me.
We hear people say all the time that we need to be obedient to God. What does that look like? For me, I knew I needed to be obedient to God in His will for my life, specifically when it comes to my career. The interview I had coming up was probably the most important interview I had to become a school counselor because it was going to give me everything I wanted. I would be able to stay in Sioux City which meant a lot of things. I could live at home while paying off students loans, I wouldn't have to start all over making new friends, and I wouldn't have to do a long-distance relationship with J. Notice how I just listed things that were perfect for me, but not necessarily for God? It's easy to think about how to be obedient to your own will without thinking about God's will. Needless to say, my prayer became that I wanted this job and all of the benefits it would come with if it was God's will. Still a bit selfish, but I was trying :) I just wanted this job so badly.
When the service ended, I felt at peace about the interview. I no longer had knots in my stomach. I was ready for whatever was next. As I turned to J's mom, she asked if they could pray for me. Okay, maybe I wasn't ready for whatever was next. I'm not used to someone asking to pray for me. Nonetheless, J's mom, dad, and grandma gathered around me, laid hands on me, and prayed for my interview. It was one of the best feelings to know that I have their support and they care enough to take time to pray with and for me. If that wasn't enough, as I was talking to the pastor, he ended up praying for my interview as well. Sidenote: I went to one church growing up and I'm not sure the pastor ever learned my name. I've been to J's church five, maybe six times, and the pastor not only knows my name, but has taken time to pray for me.
On Wednesday night, I was exactly were I was supposed to be. It still amazes me how God puts people, events, and desires right where He needs them to be. God has it all figured out and we need to learn to trust Him. He works in each of us in ways we could never imagine when we let Him break down those walls and show us His will.
It was my first experience at "The Well", but I guarantee it won't be my last.
What is God trying to show you through prayer?
