The Debacle

As many of you know, I graduated in May with my degree in School Counseling. With the anticipation of graduating, I began applying for counseling positions in February. 

I was so excited and terrified when I had my first interview in March. Excited that I had the opportunity to begin my career. Terrified because part of the interview consisted of teaching a kindergarten class a lesson. I'm still waiting on a call about whether or not I got that job...

The rest of the school year I sent out applications that resulted in several emails telling me the positions had been filled. 

My next interview didn't happen until June, but it was exciting to get that call while I was laying on a beach in Hawai'i. I thought this interview went well, especially when they showed me around both schools I would be working in after originally giving me the choice to go to the middle school. The result? No job offer. 

The third interview was near camp, which made me super excited and hopeful. The interview went well and I was told I'd hear something within a few days. A few days turned into at least a week, but I was in contact with the principal every few days. One of these phone calls, I was told I was a finalist for the position. When I finally got the call, it was another "No". 

The fourth interview was just a few short weeks ago. I wasn't even going to go to the interview because of the flexible calendar schedule the school is on. It was a problem when I thought about camp. I decided to go anyway because it would at least be a job for the school year and I could find something else for next year. The principal put me through what she called "The Spanish Inquisition" then showed me around the school. I got a job offer on the spot! I accepted, then freaked out because they wanted me to start in two days. I had to find a place to live so I could start work. I left and looked for an apartment. Four hours after I got the job offer, the principal called and revoked the offer. The only thing she would tell me was that what my references said changed her mind. The only specific detail she gave me was that I didn't have a teaching degree. It made no sense though because I made that clear in my interview. There had to be more that my references said that I wasn't being told.

Needless to say, my references have now been changed on everything. If I had to guess who ruined the job offer for me, I could tell you in a heartbeat without any hesitation. The problem I have with this is that none of my internship supervisors expressed anything that would have made me think they would ruin a job offer for me. What did they say? What did I do wrong during my internship? How am I supposed to change if they don't tell me what I need to improve? How many other jobs didn't I get because of what my references said?

I had another job interview last week, with my new references. I would call this more of a "go-through-the-motion" interview though. Not for me, but for the school. They hired someone into the position that already worked in the school district, yet isn't qualified for the position.

I've let go of the anger, anxiety, and confusion of everything that has happened with these interviews. It doesn't do any good to hold onto these emotions. I've learned through each interview yet had more questions raised than answered.

I don't know exactly where I'm going from here. There aren't any counseling jobs open anymore as the school year has started in most places. I'll be licensed in both Iowa and South Dakota so will keep looking for jobs that might pop up in the middle of the school year. Until then, I have been thinking about several options, but don't know what is going to happen. All I know is that through the help of God and my family, I am going to get through this year. Maybe with a little more focus than I had anticipated on myself rather than on my job.     

What are you struggling with? 

Error of Entitlement

Before you even dive into this blog, I am going to put a disclaimer out that I am probably going to ruffle some feathers. Rub people the wrong way. Irritate people. Offend people. If you get easily offended, you should probably stop here. Before you even start. 

"I don't want to."

"I shouldn't have to."

"I don't need to."

"I..."

"I..."

"I..."

The world we live in is focused on one's selfish ambitions, dreams, and desires.


As I've entered my mid-twenties, I've become vividly aware of how focused people are on themselves. "I have to do this. I have to do that. I can't do that for you. I don't have time for that." It's actually quite sickening. People are so caught up in their every day lives and what they have to do that they don't see how their actions are affecting other people. Or not affecting other people. They don't see how their time can make a difference. How their actions say a lot about who they are as a person.

By the way, I'm not saying I'm innocent in all of this.

I've been reading through the Old Testament recently. I can't help but think about how people such as Ruth gave up everything to follow someone she loved dearly. She sacrificed what she knew for the unknown. It probably wasn't comfortable, but she still did it. David went up against Goliath when all odds were against him. All logic said he should have been crushed by Goliath, but instead, he defeated Goliath with one stone. All because of his faith, willingness to follow God, and lack of focus on himself.

These people should be an inspiration to live beyond ourselves. Instead, we seem to hear stories such as these and write them off as inapplicable. Everything is different now. Life doesn't work like that anymore. It's more complicated than that. I'm already doing all of these other things. How could I possibly do that when I have all these other things to worry about?

There's always an excuse.

Along with the excuses that come off as entitlement ("I'm too good for that") comes a lack of commitment. So often people say they are going to do certain things and there is no follow-thru. I think of New Year's Resolutions. Yes, they are typically individual goals, but there is no real commitment. By February, we look at the list and laugh at all of the items that we've already failed to do. (I made a list and couldn't tell you where it is. How do you think I'm doing on those resolutions?)

Then there's the over-commitment that results in a lack of commitment. You have two events scheduled for the same time so you have to pick and choose. It seems as if you're committed to one activity and not the other. You pick the one you're more attracted to, the one you enjoy the most. Without thinking about how it's going to look to and affect all those involved in the other activity, the one that isn't as important. Without even knowing it, you've just caused harm to relationships within the group because not being there says just as much as being there.

These actions come of as entitlement. You only have to do what you want to do. Nothing else matters but your own happiness. Fulfill your own dreams and desires.    

 What would happen if, for once, we quit thinking about ourselves and put others before us?

Truly stopped to think about how we are affecting those around us?

We need to stop focusing on our own selfish motives. God's not worried about how many organizations we belong to or which ones we attend regularly. He's not worried about the number of places we go or the amount of work we do or don't do. He's not worried about the clothes you wear, the phone you have, or other frivolous material things.

God wants us to be giving our all to further His Kingdom. By focusing on others. When we are concentrating on our desires, we are too blinded to see what others need. Hence, there is a sense of entitlement that says only "I" matter. 

Over and over in the Bible, we are told that the second greatest commandment is to "Love your neighbor as yourself". It's not "focus on yourself" or "make sure you get to do everything you want to do". It's "Love your neighbor as yourself". Then, let's flip to the story of the rich, young ruler (Luke 18:18-30) who is told that to have treasure in heaven, he must sell everything he has. He's too caught up in himself to do anything truly productive for the Kingdom of God. He doesn't recognize the needs of his neighbors, or even God. He needs to give up everything that has become more important than God in order to have a life with God. Giving up these things will make it easier to follow God, which then results in seeing others' needs more clearly.

We, as Christians, need to take this account to heart. God did not create us to be entitled. God is calling us to something greater than our present circumstances. He's calling us to make a difference in other people. But, we have to be willing to give up what stands in the way. For most of us, it's believing we're entitled to what we already have.

Get rid of the entitlement that says you deserve and should have everything you want. The entitlement that says your happiness is more important than others' happiness. The entitlement that says it's okay to back out of a commitment strictly because "I don't want to". The entitlement that makes you so comfortable you don't want to experience anything else. The entitlement that says others don't matter.

It won't be easy. It may be the hardest thing you do in your life. But, God is right there with you. Every step of the way.
"I will never leave you nor will I forsake you."

What's in the way of you serving the Kingdom and following God completely?  

My Dysfunctional Family

For those of you that have been waiting for almost a month for a new post, I apologize. Being present at camp was more important than writing about camp. Nonetheless, I'm back and will be writing about significant events from summer and my current journey. 

Tonight, I write about the best Friday night I've had in a long time.

To set this up, you should probably be aware that my evening was spent with eight other people, six of whom had spent the week counseling 1st-4th graders while I coordinated the camp. AKA...we were already tired before the night began.

A couple of us had been planning this evening since before summer had even started so we were pretty excited. We had a night of Hickory Park (a delicious restaurant about 45 minutes from camp) and Perfect Games (bowling, arcade, and laser tag) planned. Because the group got so large the week leading up to the evening, we had to take two cars. I ended up with three of the youngest and one other person in my car. I was okay with this because I got my little sister and my best friend. If that's not a good car trip, I don't know what is.

My car made it to Hickory Park way before the other car so we had to wait outside to be seated. I can't tell you exactly what our conversations were, but I can tell you that we laughed a lot.

The real fun, or should I say craziness, began when the whole group was together and seated in the restaurant.   

I left out some essential information about the friends I was spending the evening with. As I said before, there were eight of them. The distinguishing factor is that they were all between the ages of 13 and 20. I'm 25. Yes, sometimes I ask for it..willingly spending my evening with people significantly younger than me. But, I would NOT trade my time with them for anything.

During the course of the meal, people fought over crayons, purposely ruined each other's drawings, crawled under the booth to get out, ate whole chickens off a knife, and tried to summon the waiter in entirely wrong ways.

It was during this ridiculous meal that we became a family. Not just an unspoken family though. Somehow, I became an adoptive mom to these crazy eight kids. So, let me tell you a bit about my family.

My youngest is a thirteen year old girl who loves to read. My next youngest is a set of fourteen year old identical twins- one black boy and one white girl. I have a fifteen year old son, who is about a foot taller than me and is my best friend. My next is another set of twins who are seventeen, one boy and one girl. They look nothing alike. I have an eighteen year old son who just graduated from high school. My oldest is a twenty-year old girl who has been in college pursuing photography. Her pictures are amazing. Three of them are gingers. This is my "Dysfunctional Family".

After supper, we headed to Perfect Games for some laser tag and cosmic bowling. That is...after time spent watching my fourteen year old son twerk in the parking lot. For the record, twerking is entirely inappropriate.

Laser tag was a bit of a fail for me. I couldn't get my gun to work so everyone else got to play while I tried to get that fixed. It's impossible to do when the person in charge of laser tag disappears. Because I and one of my sons didn't get to play, we got arcade cards to use.

We bowled. I did pretty well. I think I got second or third overall. I enjoyed the conversations I was able to have in-between my bowling the most. I got to talk to several of my friends and some of them turned into meaningful conversations.

In the arcade, I pretty much watched my fourteen and fifteen year old sons play games. They enjoyed it way more than I would have.

  When we left Perfect Games, the plan was to meet at Wal-Mart. Well, we didn't specific which Wal-Mart so we ended up at two different stores. That was a little disappointing. But my car of people had a whole lot of fun. As it was a nice evening, our time in town was spent with the windows rolled down, yelling at anyone and everyone on the streets that Jesus loves them. Some of the looks we got were priceless!

The night was filled with fun, friends, and food. More than that, I was so happy I was able to spend the evening with people who are pursuing a relationship with Christ. Who know how to have fun, but can do it without being mean to others. Who can make a fool of themselves and be okay with it. I bonded with several of my "children" in a way I had never done before. I am happy I can call my family my friends. They are people I can rely on and can rely on me. People I look forward to seeing from the time I separate from them. People I have come to love. And people I couldn't imagine life without. If I could have a night like that every week, I would be one happy lady.

Who do you cherish?